The chick and I watched Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (BTDKYD) last night. My day had been...well...my day was like every workday. An exercise in boredom. A 9 hour long attempt by The Man to turn my brain into tapioca and a struggle on my part not to get really drunk in the bathroom.
Okay, that last part isn't true; I try not to shoot up all day. Heroin; my secret lover. I find that injecting it between my toes works the best; that way I can impress the ladies with my rippling muscles and not have unsightly collapsed veins to worry about.
Speaking of heroin, it features prominently in BTDKYD. Apparently, drug dealers in New York City live in high-rise, luxury apartments, look sort of like Andy Warhol and only see one "client" at a time. It's all so genteel.
Anyway, BTDKYD has a good cast and Marisa Tomei gets frequently - and appealingly - naked. That's about it. The characters are both unappealing and uninteresting. The story is basically about a collection of losers getting more..loserish. The narrative is chronologically fractured for no apparent purpose. Basically, it's a big waste of time...unless, I guess, you rent it and find Tomei's nude form sufficient compensation for the two hours you'll be kissing goodbye.
20 August 2008
02 August 2008
The Mind Boggles
So, I was checking out The Superficial the other day and saw that Ali Lohan - sister of Lindsey - went to an audition for film. Okay, so? Well, the director used to do porn films. To me, that is not the shocking part; I wouldn't be surprised if half the behind the camera people in the film industry got started in porn (the other half did music videos).
The shocking part is the film she was auditioning for is a remake of Troll. Troll is a grade z horror movie from the mid-80s. It is bad in so many ways, it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. So, the real question is 'what kind of sick bastard thinks remaking Troll is a good idea?'
Do people just have piles of money sitting around that they can throw at a movie about a magic troll taking over an apartment building? I guess as far as remakes go, you might as well pick a film that sucked in the first place (as opposed to the up-coming unholy abortion that is The Day the Earth Stood Still; let's take a classic movie and put Jeanu Reeves in the lead...yeah, that's a great a idea).
Troll. God, I should just shop around a screenplay that consists of a single page of crayon scribbles.
The shocking part is the film she was auditioning for is a remake of Troll. Troll is a grade z horror movie from the mid-80s. It is bad in so many ways, it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. So, the real question is 'what kind of sick bastard thinks remaking Troll is a good idea?'
Do people just have piles of money sitting around that they can throw at a movie about a magic troll taking over an apartment building? I guess as far as remakes go, you might as well pick a film that sucked in the first place (as opposed to the up-coming unholy abortion that is The Day the Earth Stood Still; let's take a classic movie and put Jeanu Reeves in the lead...yeah, that's a great a idea).
Troll. God, I should just shop around a screenplay that consists of a single page of crayon scribbles.
31 July 2008
Why The GOP Baby Is Better Than Jesus
Last night, while eating dinner and perusing the Weekly Standard, I started whistling. A few bars. Of the theme to the Night Stalker. A few bars.
And then, I stopped.
At which point, the GOP Baby looked over from her laptop and said, "why were you humming the Night Stalker theme?"
Any girl who can recognize the theme song to a mid-70s TV horror series from a few seconds of tuneless whistling...well, she's a keeper.
And then, I stopped.
At which point, the GOP Baby looked over from her laptop and said, "why were you humming the Night Stalker theme?"
Any girl who can recognize the theme song to a mid-70s TV horror series from a few seconds of tuneless whistling...well, she's a keeper.
29 July 2008
I Have Seen The Future
It is called Idiocracy.
Released in 2006 to zero fanfare (and little exposure on screens) Idiocracy is the Sleeper for our generation. The plot is pretty straightforward; Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph are part of an Army experiment in suspended animation. Something goes wrong (involving prostitution rings and military red tape...this is a comedy, after all) and they wind up sleeping for 500 years. They wake up to find that the dumbest people continued to have huge families, while those who were more intelligent did not. Society has devolved into a bunch of Big Gulp swilling, processed food eating morons who spend most of their time watching TV shows like "Ow, My Balls).
Basically, Mile Judge (he of Office Space and Beavis and Butthead) Attacks the worst parts of our junk-food fueled, celebrity driven, consumer culture (a city-sized CostCo is just one of the more amusing ideas) and does so with some deftness and almost constant laughs.
I must say, part of the reason that I thought it was funny was that I and my tastes were not in Judge's cross-hairs (although my refusal to reproduce, according to Judge, is part of the reason humanity comes close to complete collapse in a few centuries). If you like monster trucks rallies and buckets of greasy fast food and don't like having your tastes poked at...well, your mileage may differ.
Check it out.
Released in 2006 to zero fanfare (and little exposure on screens) Idiocracy is the Sleeper for our generation. The plot is pretty straightforward; Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph are part of an Army experiment in suspended animation. Something goes wrong (involving prostitution rings and military red tape...this is a comedy, after all) and they wind up sleeping for 500 years. They wake up to find that the dumbest people continued to have huge families, while those who were more intelligent did not. Society has devolved into a bunch of Big Gulp swilling, processed food eating morons who spend most of their time watching TV shows like "Ow, My Balls).
Basically, Mile Judge (he of Office Space and Beavis and Butthead) Attacks the worst parts of our junk-food fueled, celebrity driven, consumer culture (a city-sized CostCo is just one of the more amusing ideas) and does so with some deftness and almost constant laughs.
I must say, part of the reason that I thought it was funny was that I and my tastes were not in Judge's cross-hairs (although my refusal to reproduce, according to Judge, is part of the reason humanity comes close to complete collapse in a few centuries). If you like monster trucks rallies and buckets of greasy fast food and don't like having your tastes poked at...well, your mileage may differ.
Check it out.
23 July 2008
The Watchmen Trailer...Oh So Geeked
Last week, the trailer for Watchmen showed up on line and in front of Dark Knight. This is one of the few times in my cinema going life that I actually was excited about a trailer. Hell, I clapped in the theater when the trailer was over. I am so geeked about this movie.
If you haven't read the graphic novel - which is a must read, even if you are not a fan of the medium - click through my Amazon link and buy it. Otherwise, go to the official movie site and check out the trailer. for those who are familiar with the comic, I will say that a) I think that Zack Snyder is a great choice for director, based on his work on the 300 and Dawn of the Dead, b) that based on the trailer, the look and feel of the comic has been captured, c) that the changes to some of the character designs (Silk Spectre II and Ozymandias) work for me, d) that some of the plot changes made (particularly axing the Black Freighter story from the theatrical release) make sense and e) that my only concern right now is that the ending, which I have read has been modified, might not have the impact of the end of the comic. I have also read that the tone of the ending is the same; just the actual mechanism might be different. If that is the case, then that should be fine. My assumption is that the filmmakers were interested in streamlining the plot. As long as the surface horror and underlying ambiguity of the ending remains, then there shouldn't be a problem.
So, yeah, geeked.
If you haven't read the graphic novel - which is a must read, even if you are not a fan of the medium - click through my Amazon link and buy it. Otherwise, go to the official movie site and check out the trailer. for those who are familiar with the comic, I will say that a) I think that Zack Snyder is a great choice for director, based on his work on the 300 and Dawn of the Dead, b) that based on the trailer, the look and feel of the comic has been captured, c) that the changes to some of the character designs (Silk Spectre II and Ozymandias) work for me, d) that some of the plot changes made (particularly axing the Black Freighter story from the theatrical release) make sense and e) that my only concern right now is that the ending, which I have read has been modified, might not have the impact of the end of the comic. I have also read that the tone of the ending is the same; just the actual mechanism might be different. If that is the case, then that should be fine. My assumption is that the filmmakers were interested in streamlining the plot. As long as the surface horror and underlying ambiguity of the ending remains, then there shouldn't be a problem.
So, yeah, geeked.
Personal Triumph
Losing weight. Yep, my life is so sad and hollow that I consider losing weight to be a "triumph." Anyway, about 6 weeks ago I realized that I had become a big fat hog. Well, I had hit 210 pounds. Through calorie counting and an increase in my cardio workouts, I've lost pounds. I still need to lose another 10 - 15, but I'm feeling pretty good about myself...and my dwindling waist.
22 July 2008
Let Me Just Add To The Chorus
I saw The Dark Knight over the weekend. And yes, it is better than the Baby Jesus. Only two things bugged me about the film. First, Maggie Gwyllfignofarfingnugen...or whatever her name is...is an improvement over Katie Holmes, but still pales in comparison to the rest of the talent. She just sort of...there. Second, Christian Bales "Batman voice." The gravelly tones work when spewing out a menacing one-liner; when engaged in any ind of extended dialog, it gets a bit annoying. And, it makes you want to give Batman a lozenge.
Other than that, in this case, you can believe the hype. This is a spectacular film. Go forth and see it.
Other than that, in this case, you can believe the hype. This is a spectacular film. Go forth and see it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
